Slow your race

As I sit and enjoy my morning coffee, complete with my lactose-free milk, (because...well...you can be simple, but you can't be stinky!) I reflect on October, the month of change.

Some of this change was self-induced. Really, that's the only true change when you're talking about improvement. The change that you initiate and hold yourself accountable for. The change that you can feel radiating goodness in your soul and down to your tippy toes. The same change that makes you feel as though you might be going against every fiber in your body until boom! A breakthrough happens. That's the kind of change that September brought.

Then there's the change that is required of you, but you didn't chose it. Ours was around health. This change hurt. It was a surprise, it was up in our face, and it will hold us relentlessly up against a wall until we make it. When someone you love is struggling, you help them make the changes, to reduce the struggly. This is the change October brought.

I am sharing this with you because I like to believe that I like change, until I don't. It's probably the same for you. Change isn't always easy. Usually, this is because we're grieving the loss of one thing to have another. Sometimes it's not even something we need, like gluten. (Yes, I said it, I don't need gluten). When the loss is about all we've ever known, we grieve it even when it really isn't that important to us.

It helps to be ready for this change, the letting go, but we do have to give ourselves a little push. It hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be to give up some of the things I thought we needed. Still, we know we want to get back to simple. We've made some trades. We've grieved some losses. We've gained some sanity. We may never arrive and that's ok.

It's easy to get caught up in the next best thing. I think we're all guilty of that at one time or another.
Our mantra becomes, "when I just have this or when I can just accomplish that, I'll be enough." It's a journey, like a continuum. What happens when we realize that we'll never fully arrive? 

The truth is, we're already enough. What we're missing is relationship - with each other, with ourselves, with our world. When this is lost, then we are truly lost, and we feel it in the depth of our soul.

This hit me in the face, hard this week. It made me question taking a leap of faith to change jobs. It made me afraid that I made the wrong choice to leap when diagnoses and unknowns took over our lives. It made me angry that I lost track of the relationship, when I thought I was doing pretty well leaving the things behind. I spent hours reflecting on my work as a mom, wife, daughter, friend, educator, maker, adventurer and not once did the race to get it all done, the stuff I earned, or my title at work make it to the top of the list of things that were most important.

True change requires reflection. I did just that. With enough time to just think in the quiet of my own reflection, I know I made the right choice to leap. When I bring it all together and reground us, I know we'll get everything under control. When I wonder, are we doing the right thing trying to simplify our lives to enjoy each other the answer is an astounding yes.

I'll never regret letting the extra go.



Find your center this week. Spend time in the quiet space of your reflections. What speaks to you? Who do you need more of? What do you need less of? What brings you sustaining joy? This is your soul work.