The Joy Factor

This last year has been about the search for simple. Things get too complicated. We spend our time running to and from, using products that are quick and accessible, buying things we don't even need. As moms, there is an unwritten expectation that we will mom perfect, work perfect, keep our house perfect, keep our people alive - perfect. That's not even possible. What we can do, is let go until we find balance. What we can do, is create space for play, and joy.

My work outside of the search for simple can be really stressful. This stress, it's a funny thing. You don't really see a wall coming, but it's in there, all disguised behind the stress, just waiting for your forehead to make contact. I knew it would come, but I was working on this simple life - right? So, obviously I could keep it at bay.

Wrong.

Here's what I've learned: there is incredible beauty in the imperfections of life. Simple is good. Imperfect is real, it's lovable, it's memorable, it's me. It's you, too, which is why we need it. We're losing ourselves, our joy factor, in the quest for perfect, while the quirky parts of us, the best parts of us that bring us joy -- they're shoved in a winter sock drawer somewhere. When we do this, we end up stifled. We shrink. We feel lesser about ourselves. We wonder, what else is out there?

If you know me, you might think me outgoing, outspoken, a doer of all things. An extrovert of sorts. When you know me well, you'll find that my peace, my joy, my energy, is in the little things...in the silence of thought and creativity.

So this joy thing is part of the simple I've been searching for, though this is a recent discovery. I have to pay attention to doing it.

I have been asked, how do you find time to do things like make candles and learn about essential oils? Well, sometimes I don't. Those times, I end up miserable. I race to get it all done and then my garden fails (miserable fail this year, laughable actually), I get cranky, I refuse to cook, I forget things, and I keep myself so busy that I start to feel badly about not being able to do it all. This, friends, is not good for the soul.

Truth be told, I have to make time. I schedule that time and then, because I'm a yes person, I have to fiercely defend that time. Multiple. Times. A. Day.

It goes like this: Could you put this together for...Thank you for thinking of me, but I can't help you with that right now. Ask me again next time. I can't get ahold of, since you're over there would you...I'd love to be able to help you, but I can't help you right now. Here's a resource that might help. Mom, I need this tomorrow and it's mandatory...I'm sorry you didn't plan this out very well, what other options do you have?

This is protecting time is dang near impossible for me to do. Did I mention I'm a yes person? I never thought of myself that way, until I started defending this me time. It's ok to say no. In fact, in order to keep myself in order and honor the time I set aside to do the things that bring me joy (cue candles and oils), I have to say no. It's part of defending the space to have my own joy.

The things we share with you here, are my soul work. They are the things I do to bring me peace and joy, to give myself thinking time, and refill the ole bucket.

Give yourself this kind of time. Schedule it. Defend it. Start small and allow yourself to play, to create joy, to share it with other people. I am a candle maker, an essential oil lover, a seeker of simple things that make our lives richer, and these are the things that bring me joy. I need these things. I give myself permission to do these things and the joy keeps on coming. It's ok if you do it, too.

XO