Tuesday, May 26, 2020

You're Enough

These last couple of months have really forced me to think about enough. When is enough, enough? What is enough? I am enough? Are we doing enough?  Do we have enough?

One word. It's SO big.

There's so much brilliance and trauma wrapped up in that word. A cup overflowing as a child tries to pour himself milk for the first time. A full heart, enjoying the love of a favorite person. A humble being, happy with what is. A parent who has done all that can be done and is at her wits end. A human who is perfect in their imperfection, just as they are. The one who gives everything, but has nothing, so others can find joy. Enough.

Enough has two camps. We don't always get to live in one. I really wish I could take up permanent residence in the enough = minimalist in regard to stuff camp, so I could show up big and great in other ways. Minimalist mindset, damn that's hard to do. I keep reminding myself, live simple. Yep - this is a work in progress.

The other camp, well that one is harder to adjust because it's heart work. These last few months at home, being the everything to everyone has been draining. You may have hit this trench recently too. It's hard to get out when you are tired and everyone needs something. Is a shiny new project going to be too much or just enough? How does my enough stack up to yours? When do I just have to let go and let others support. If I do let go, will I still be enough? Yes, you will. Even if it's the same old enough. You are enough. You are exactly as you were meant to be.

Here's an example: you have a drawer of great socks. They do their job. They show up for you. Some are fancy, some are work horses, some are terrible and you only wear them at Christmas time for aunt Bess, others are just there because well, you can't part with them because they haven't really done anything wrong. You have your most favorite pair and you love those socks, they are the BEST socks. You have enough. You have a favorite, go to, ugly pair of socks...until later that day when you see something shiny. Even though there was nothing wrong with the best socks, they are no longer enough. You don't need new socks, but you get some, and then the new socks become the best socks with a hole in your pocket where the money once was.

Although it's my heart that's struggling with being enough as a person, I swear I'm like a sock. I actually don't really like socks, but I like what they stand for. Dependable (usually, until I am not). Part of a pair, but don't mind going solo for a while. Adaptable - can be paired with other unlike socks and still be functional. Flexible - can be sewn back together if needed or turned in to something entirely different, fabulous, and unique. Cozy, yet full of expression and grounding. If it's not enough, add another layer to support. The sock is what it is. It's enough.

That last piece - that support, being enough. Oh that's tough. The socks that don't seem like enough anymore, they get tossed to the back of the drawer.

We do this to ourselves, too.

When we try to get it all done. When we deny support. When we compare ourselves to other people. When we let other people define our brilliance. When we forget that just as we are, that's enough.

Today, start just where you are standing. Close your eyes. Take in a deep breathe. Do it again. Listen to the world around you. Allow those sounds, the ones that right now may be pushing you over the edge, to bring you joy. Let your heart smile. Absorb the greatness in the sunshine, the peace in the breeze blowing, or the rhythm of the rain fall. Just as you are, reading this right now, know that you are enough. Especially if you have mismatched holey socks on.