Friday, November 1, 2019

Then, they grow up...

We love Halloween over here, getting our Jack Skeleton groove on, and watching those PG Halloween movies on repeat. Usually, we're racing around to find all the pieces to a costume, or picking up trick or treater candy at the last minute. As kids get older, Halloween becomes an observer activity and that my friends, is bitter sweet. 

They tell you when your kids are born, don't blink, it goes by quickly. Then life happens. You get caught up in the daily grind, no sleep, working too much, trying to figure out how to keep the littles alive. Terrible toddlers, kindergarten, middle school, moody teens, driving and before you know it, it's over. You realize this when you find yourself enjoying the little kids who stop by in their costumes, looking out at the freezing adults escorting them to your door, wishing you could get those little kid days back. 

Reflecting, I wonder how much of the little stuff I missed just answering that last email, taking a work call at night, getting ready for a training. I do think it's good for children to see us working. It's ok to talk about things at work that are frustrating, how we worked through them, and for our children to see that hard work can be good work. (I love to work. When I'm struggling, getting lost in work is a good way for me to hide and figure things out). And yet, we never get the time back that we miss with our people.

Ugh, balance. Damn balance. If we forget about the balance, we may also be missing the good stuff. And the good stuff, that's what our souls need. (Don't you hate it when you realize that only you can fix your malfunction?) 

This was my revelation last night. It's not too late to adjust, to balance, to connect to the soul work. This work I've been doing to shed the extra, the joy suckers, it's getting me there - back to simple, back to balance, back to my people. That last email, it can wait. My people, the ones who love me and support me through my crazy ideas and adventures, they deserve to be first. I need them to be first, because that's where my soul work is and that's where I achieve the balance. 

You might be thinking, yes, but OH THE GUILT and now I feel worse about myself, thanks. Sure there's guilt in what I missed. But there's joy that balances that guilt when I honor the time, put the tech away, and make some memories. The laughter, the joy, it fills that empty space. Yep. Self induced change needed here - order up!  

So today, this first fabulous day of Christmas season (we've been counting the days!), the first morning we woke up with sparkling snow on the porch, is an opportunity to get a little closer to where I want to be. No guilt, no shame, just doing better because now I know better. Baby steps. I sure do miss those baby steps. I definitely don't want to miss watching them grow up to who they are meant to be, who I am meant to be. Good news is, I don't have to. 


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