Resetting the Crazy

About this time of year, I start missing the extra daylight, feeling a little restless, and I have the need to recenter. We make it through the holidays and there's no recovery time to organize the house, my thoughts, and the new year. This weekend, instead of traveling about the country side in a snow storm (which we like to do), we're staying home.

We have wanderlust spirits. It's hard to keep us in a place for too long. But, to be able to just pick up and go requires that the things are in order back home. Right now, amidst the actual snowstorm, life in general feels a little stormy because "there's just too much to do" is looming around the corner. Thankfully it's a four day weekend! 

I call this time, when I feel like I need to break free from the mountain on top of me, a time when I can feel the wind blowing. I know that I need to get in to gear, so I can reset the things that are overwhelming, but I haven't hit the clutch just yet.

It's time to recenter, to reset the crazy - in my mind, in my heart, in my house. Flip that order.

Declutter. We collect SO many things during the holidays by way of wonderful gifts. Now that the littles aren't little, it's hard to find a perfect gift for them. What we're learning is that the perfect gift is an adventure, an experience, rather than a thing. Life's a work in progress, right?

Donations help us clean out the closets, both our actual closet disasters and our the proverbial skeleton type ones. There's no time for new year's resolutions until you can clear the clutter and muck. Not only are we adventurers, we tend to be collectors of things. Maybe someday that'll make the resolution list, but not this year. Because of this, we have to be intentional about what we're going to keep and what just isn't working for us. (This is quite a challenge when the better half is a farmer at heart and he likes to keep all of the things, because we may need it someday for a project...sometimes he's right). In short - we have to make ourselves reset when things feel too crazy and cluttered.

Rule of thumb? If you haven't used it in a year and it is not packed with memories that you will reminisce over with your grandchildren, you don't need it. (Whoa mama, the stare downs involved in this process - you may need a helper, like I do, to do this). There are great things with so much more life in them, that others will find fabulous uses for. Where you bring new life to your things is up to you - garage sale, donate, gift to someone. The key is to get those things out - don't let them sit waiting to leave for very long.

Next up - paper. Put a hold on the paper insanity. Keep what you can't find digitally, get rid of the rest. Our refrigerator is a paper hoarder! Declutter. Reset. Throw things in to your calendar that are sitting around on post-it notes and handouts, so you don't forget the kids' deadlines, that kind of thing. I did not make time to do this with the school calendar this year. I cannot tell you how many surprise (to me) no school days we've had. It's January. I have now figured this out! We're about keeping it simple and baby steps over here, friends!

Organize. Here in the midwest, it's been about four months since we could keep the windows open and let the breeze in. It gets a bit frosty in here when we open things up in January, so I do a little deep clean to get the dust out instead. Deep clean the places that you don't usually go. This is also a great time to toss expired and out of use things in the bathroom. Oh the products we buy and ditch, that take up residence under the bathroom sink! Buh-bye dirt that gets there somehow and its clutter, too.

Now, let's be real. I do not deep clean my entire house in one day. I choose one place that's been bothering me and get it done. Most often, this seems to be the hallway closet and under the sink - anywhere that's going to give you a sense of accomplishment and increased space will do it!

Once you get down to simple, those things you absolutely need, the hardest part is not filling the space with more. This is also a work in progress, so I haven't any brilliant nuggets to share, except that I must ask myself daily - do I absolutely need this? The answer is usually no, even when I really want to go to Target and just fill my cart in peace!

Take a day. There's something to be said about feng shui. When the things are in order and the energy is flowing in your space, it gives you a sense of peace and motivation to allow that work for yourself. When our space is cluttered and busy, chaos tends to set in. If there's less around to make a mess, there are less messes. (Our teenager's bedroom is a prime example of this!)

In our house this means go through all the little trinkets, things we thought we'd use, ideas we thought would be good but meh, extra emails we don't need to receive, activities that stress us out, saying no to things that there just aren't time for - all the things. Reduce the things until it feels manageable to you personally. You'll know you've hit this point, because your spirit will start to wiggle into this little space of freedom and spread its wings. You'll actually start to feel lighter and I can promise you, you're going to want more of this!

Take a day to just be. It may not be a whole day, but you need a good amount of time to allow your body and brain to relax. I find that I need at least four hours. Two to goof around and kid myself, the other two to actually get down to it. A whole day by yourself is best, but is often like finding a four leaf clover.

You cannot do the day to just be until you've kicked some of the stuff, things, over-commitments, junk you don't need, things that do not serve you, people who bring you angst, out the door. Why? Your mind will continue to go back to those things and you will feel like you just can't find the time. Still, don't wait. There is no perfection in resetting. The goal is to make yourself a little space, so you can allow yourself the time to take a day.


Reflect on the work you want to do for you. These are also the things that bring you joy that you want more of. Celebrate your wonderful. It's so easy to get caught up in trying to be as good as or better than the next person. You yourself, you are enough. You are brilliant and accomplished just by being you! I promise. It's our own wacky that makes us an incredible piece of the life puzzle.

A little thought about the next person: We don't usually see each other's imperfections and tribulations. We work really hard as a society to be perfect and to keep those imperfections stored away neatly (closet cleaning needed on 5th Street!) Not one of us is perfect. Trying to be perfect alone will make you crazy. So many of struggle with this. If you're fighting this battle right now, start small. Choose one thing to let go. Just one. Be graceful with yourself, you won't let it go perfectly. It's a continuum - some days you will rock it and other days, let's face it, you're just going to have to hit reset and start letting it go anew. Let it go a little at a time until it's gone. Then select another. Slowly the freedom, joy, peace factor will fill the spaces where the thing you let go used to be.

Here's one that's hard for me, but oh so important. When I forget to do this, I get in a rut. To restart myself, I go through the process. Donate. Organize. Find a little peace. Then...schedule one thing in a week for you. You are as important as the other things on your calendar!

Some weeks, the one little thing is a cup of coffee in the morning while the rest of the house is sleeping. It's tromping about in the yard barefoot. It's spending fifteen minutes to just feel the sunshine on my face and warm my bones (they are getting older, they need more warmth!) It's taking all the post-it notes and putting the many things we do into my calendar. It's making candles. It's taking a nap. It's whatever slows life down a bit, connects me to the earth, and allows me to come back to - I got this.


What works over here may not work for you. Take any small step that feels good to you today. You got this!

XO

Nature Knows - Elderberry Syrup

Share your love, memories, and germs with your friends and family season is in full force! We have experienced a wild virus season at our house already and it's just getting started. Yuck!

This wasn't always as complicated. Even last season, we just jumped in to the germ pot and came up kickin' with cold medicine. Now that we're thinking about seizure triggers, gluten, and repairing the gut, we've had to change our game. Oh the hours of sleep lost to coughing before we decided to put the kitchen apothecary to work! The good news is that we found an awesome local-to-us honey and the kidlet now believes me that lemon essential oil helps clear up the phlegm "fun".

Last year we purchased elderberry syrup and gummies at about this time, which is also when we started contemplating tossing out the white flag. Most of what's out there works just fine, but as I started researching more, this little gem didn't seem as though it was too far out of reach to make at home. Nature knows what we need. Also, the less mystery chemicals we consume as we try to figure out seizure and belly ache triggers, the better!

A word to the wise about elderberries - they have some huge health benefits, but are also a berry that needs to be cooked/heated before being consumed. Elderberries contain the chemical lectin and a cyanogenic glycoside called prunasin. When this reacts with our digestive system, it creates hydrogen cyanide. If you eat the elderberry raw, you could build up a toxic collection of hydrogen cyanide in your body that is likely to make you sick or could potentially cause death. When you heat the berries, the cyanide inducing glycoside in the seeds breaks down and the berries are safe to eat. The rest of the plant? Also toxic.

As always, there are a few schools of thought on the level of toxicity one must reach. I assure you, elderberries don't taste great raw, so you'll want to cook them anyway. I'm just a mom, trying to find a simpler way to support our health and this should not be taken as medical advice. Given that there's a potential for an adverse affect, it's pretty important to follow the directions on this one!

Generally, in elderberry syrup, you'll find the black elder or sambucus nigra. High in antioxidants, many people use elderberry as immune support to shorten the symptoms of influenza or the cold.  We found success last year in both shortening the impact of influenza and reducing the number of times we got sick during the yuck season. This year, flu season hit much sooner and in different strains. Now we're ready to prevent round two!

We add star anise to our elderberry syrup. Star anise has a bit of a black licorice flavor. You can leave this out if that's not your thing. Star anise is rich in antioxidants, vitamins A and C. It supports digestion and nausea. You might even find it in a flu fighting chicken soup recipe!

The hardest part of elderberry syrup? Convincing the people to try mom's crazy idea. (Nothing is as bad as Formula 44D - 1980s green and cherry version).

Here's how we make elderberry syrup: 
-1 cup dried elderberries (from the food coop)
-4 cups water
-1 tsp whole clove
-1 or 2 cinnamon sticks (use 2 teaspoons of powdered cinnamon if you don't have sticks)
-2 T ginger (use raw ginger if you'd rather, powdered ginger root is great if it's what you have on hand!)
-1 star anise (optional)
-1 cup raw honey (local or other - wait until the end for this)


 Add the dried elderberries and water to a saucepan. Allow to soak for 30-60 minutes. Add the cloves, cinnamon, ginger, and star anise. Bring to a boil. Cover and allow to simmer for 45 minutes. (You should have 2 cups of liquid remaining).

Strain the goodies out from your liquid. Allow the liquid to cool. Once cooled, stir in the raw honey. I find it easier to stir it in a little, then dump it all in a large mason jar and shake!




The elderberry syrup keeps for about a month in the fridge. You can absolutely freeze a batch, make cubes with it for a spritzer or add it to tea. Take a tablespoon daily.

Stay warm and be well!

XO

I Can Sleep Through a Storm

There's nothing better than a good night's sleep during a storm. Mother nature doesn't clatter about, making you certain of her presence when it snows, still you know she's changing the world as you know it. The aftermath of the storm isn't always visually beautiful either, yet the renewal of life and the joy our littles find in splashing through the puddles or digging through the snow is endless.

As a teenage junior camp counselor, I came across a devotional about a man who didn't seem like much, but knew he could sleep through a storm. I loved this story. It reminded me of my dad and my mom, who each took these giant leaps of faith and built dreams into successful businesses. As the story goes, the man was looking for a job. He didn't come with a robust resume or a long line of people to vouch for him. He needed a job and it just so happened that a nearby farmer needed a farm hand. When asked what his skills were, the talents he would bring to the work, the man explained that he could sleep through a storm. 

The farmer was pretty confused as you might be now. He wasn't really sure of the man, who didn't look like anything special, but he needed help and gave it a try.

Then, a storm rolled in. 

The farmer looked to the sky, saw the storm rolling in from the house and called for the helping hand. There was no response. Frustrated and frantic, the farmer ran outside to close everything up as the storm began. As he went from building to building, what the farmer found was that even though he hadn't asked the man to, even though he man didn't come with some sparkling recommendation of greatness, even though they barely knew each other, the man kept his word to himself and to the farmer. That night, they both slept through the storm. 

I've taken that story with me. I think some folks will tell you that I take on too much. And, they might be right. I'm finding that I have to really think about what I am all in for, in my life, and what doesn't fit anymore to achieve peace and balance. It's kind of a like a Goodwill donation. If we're just cleaning out the closet, we hang on to things. If we know it's going to go to good use, it's easier to stick with a straight Hell, yes! Or, Hell, no! (Let me tell you, when your clothes don't fit and you can't breathe squeezing in to them, it's just a no. Hanging on to that guilt is just not fair to yourself - enjoy the cookie and get rid of the shaming pants, people).

Now some of us, we just can't imagine sleeping through storms. We have a hard time letting go. Life doesn't always let us. Still, you can achieve this same type of peace.

I recently leaped to a new job. When I took the leap, it was on the wings of an incredible leader. She has faith in me that I don't always have in myself. 

This new journey came with changes both for me and the organization. When I joined the team, a giant project was presented and when asked if I could make it happen, I answered "I got this, I got you" without hesitation. Doesn't that just make it entirely personal? Insert enormous fear of failure. My very next thoughts were: Crap! How will I pull this off? I'm all in -- I didn't even secure an option for what if. Wait, I can do this. How am I going to do this? I think I just took on way too much. I got this. 

The other night, as I powered through the last days of this project, it kept me up until the wee hours of the morning. Truth be told, it didn't have to. I could have closed myself off in the office for the last few days and taken until the last possible second to wrap things up. I can't work that way. I can't sleep if it's not done, if there's a potential that I told someone I got this, when in fact, I have nothing. So power through I did. I ended up with the cold the family shared, that I tried hard not to get, but you know what? Cold and all, I can sleep through the storm. The peace is amazing.

I'm not saying you should take on things that are larger than life. I am saying, there is immense peace and joy in a job well done. Balance is realized. Simple has entered the building! A year ago, I am not sure if I could have done it. I was half in on so many things that I didn't want to be part of. The missing joy factor was sucking the life out of me. 

This crazy journey to simple, it's more work sometimes. Make yourself the space to hang on to the things that are a hell yes. Let go of the things that aren't. Maybe they're a sort of yes, or a maybe no. You don't need those. They are making you feel bad and they are making you tired. Find those hell yes's, pour your talent on in, and let them fill you with joy. Enjoy the work you do, relish your people, and you'll find yourself sleeping through the storm. 

XO

Changing Games

As a parent, there have been times when we're moving along thinking, we got this! Life is great, the people are great, everyone is doing and enjoying all the things. Then something happens.

I sometimes hear people say, well, something always happens. Or, some people don't get a break. Why me? Must be nice...

In my life, if something is going to happen (read: break, go on the fritz, not show up, show up wrong), it happens to me. Somewhere in my third decade I embraced my wanderlust spirit and just starting rolling with the crazy stuff that happens. It does happen to me, but it's part of the fun, part of the adventure. What a relief that was to just embrace the crazy.

 It's so easy to get caught up in why me, or why not me, to perseverate on the negative, and start to feel just overall defeated. The stakes are high. We're told to succeed. We're conditioned for perfection. There are even pictures of perfection for us: family pictures in fields, photoshopping of every model in print, any ad you pick up, television, make up, the family dog. (This family picture thing has gone a little crazy, but that's another blog post). 

So, we're going along through life, striving for perfection and never get there.  There's a huge cost for this never being perfect, never being the best, never being enough. It's your mental health.

Then you get hit with a big thing. Life changes. A factor that you don't plan for, one that's not desirable, it doesn't look like that perfect family picture in front of the barn that you had in your mind, and bam. How will we go on? How can I survive this? Why me? These things, they start to circle in your brain and your life, and you have to figure it out or it'll take you over. 

That's so much easier said that done.

Even as I sit and share these thoughts, I realize the date. Today, is my gramma's birthday. Today, she'd be 104. She left us when she was 73. It's been a long time, yet those vivid memories of why, how, the huge hole, they loom on a day like today. I was 13. How profound that is, as we are now helping our teen work through losses of a different kind, but heavy on the heart just the same. I didn’t think then about being on this side now. 

About a year ago, our teen had a seizure. We thought it would be a one time thing, though it hasn't been. Fortunately, they have occurred in a controlled setting, but that doesn't reduce the fear level, chaos, or unknown. 

Watching my child experience a seizure and not being able to stop it, just wait, is the scariest, most awful experience I have had in my life. I struggle with what to share after, how much she needs to know, and what if. I struggle with why. She struggles with why. It's changed how we function, as now we have to pre-plan our adventures and account for the meds clock, in all that we do. That is not how our spirits are and it's maddening.

I know there are those of you out there working through things that are so much bigger, heavier. I want you to know, that difficult change, the kind we just don't want to do, it can also be freeing. Change your game, instead of letting the game change you. The great thing about a game, is that it's never played alone.

I started this post talking about how we feel when things happen - out of control, ruined, hopeless; and, this discussion around perfection. What's the connection? 

It's easy to feel defeated. At work. As a parent. As a chef (yeah right, I'm no chef, but we're fed!) As a human. Doubt creeps in - you try to block it, hide from it, say you don't have it, but it's there. When these things happen, these game changers, and we're not ready to shift, oh how the grief (for what was or what could have been) is hard. 

Grief. 

When change happens, especially when it's not by our own choosing, we grieve. So, let yourself. Grieve the thing, the perfect picture, the spotless house, the dreams you had, the life you knew, your people. Let yourself do that. You don't even have to own it. Give yourself a break. Activate your army and just take it all in, be with whatever is going on to allow your heart and your mind to make peace with it. 

We forget to do this. I spent weeks drowning myself in work, creating the perfect routine, telling the story but never dealing with it. I kept the frustration, pain, guilt - inside, because I didn't want her to see it and I most definitely did not want to deal with it. I tucked this whole thing into a nice corner, questioned my decision to change jobs, questioned my performance as a parent, my self worth, and just kept pushing.

Let me tell you, that didn't fix things. I suppose I'll admit now that squishing the grief into a cute little box and duct taping that beast shut never does fix it, but for me it's nice to drown the sorrow in some work for a while, even soul work! (Definitely something I need to work on there...)

When I finally spent some time with my feelings and honored where I was with all of the stuff that comes with mandatory shift, it was freeing. It allowed me to change the game, to change my game, to change my perspective. I regained some peace. I traded in a little fear for joy. 

No doubt having a child who has some health challenges in her life, particularly ones that are not self-induced and we cannot control, requires a strategy. There is never a day when we can just go back to what we knew, but this new adventure, it's ok too. It's time for her to use those how to be a warrior lessons we've been working on all along. 

She's grown. She's got this (oh, was she mad!) It's not fun, perfect, simple (at all), or anything like what we thought the teenage years would bring, but it's the gift we've been given to use in a way that helps others. 

November is epilepsy awareness month. If you've never supported someone with a seizure, take this moment to learn about #staysafeside. 

The game changed. It even required change in us. We won't let change beat us. We've got this. Whatever you might be struggling with, you’ve got this. You're never alone.

XO

Then, they grow up...

We love Halloween over here, getting our Jack Skeleton groove on, and watching those PG Halloween movies on repeat. Usually, we're racing around to find all the pieces to a costume, or picking up trick or treater candy at the last minute. As kids get older, Halloween becomes an observer activity and that my friends, is bitter sweet. 

They tell you when your kids are born, don't blink, it goes by quickly. Then life happens. You get caught up in the daily grind, no sleep, working too much, trying to figure out how to keep the littles alive. Terrible toddlers, kindergarten, middle school, moody teens, driving and before you know it, it's over. You realize this when you find yourself enjoying the little kids who stop by in their costumes, looking out at the freezing adults escorting them to your door, wishing you could get those little kid days back. 

Reflecting, I wonder how much of the little stuff I missed just answering that last email, taking a work call at night, getting ready for a training. I do think it's good for children to see us working. It's ok to talk about things at work that are frustrating, how we worked through them, and for our children to see that hard work can be good work. (I love to work. When I'm struggling, getting lost in work is a good way for me to hide and figure things out). And yet, we never get the time back that we miss with our people.

Ugh, balance. Damn balance. If we forget about the balance, we may also be missing the good stuff. And the good stuff, that's what our souls need. (Don't you hate it when you realize that only you can fix your malfunction?) 

This was my revelation last night. It's not too late to adjust, to balance, to connect to the soul work. This work I've been doing to shed the extra, the joy suckers, it's getting me there - back to simple, back to balance, back to my people. That last email, it can wait. My people, the ones who love me and support me through my crazy ideas and adventures, they deserve to be first. I need them to be first, because that's where my soul work is and that's where I achieve the balance. 

You might be thinking, yes, but OH THE GUILT and now I feel worse about myself, thanks. Sure there's guilt in what I missed. But there's joy that balances that guilt when I honor the time, put the tech away, and make some memories. The laughter, the joy, it fills that empty space. Yep. Self induced change needed here - order up!  

So today, this first fabulous day of Christmas season (we've been counting the days!), the first morning we woke up with sparkling snow on the porch, is an opportunity to get a little closer to where I want to be. No guilt, no shame, just doing better because now I know better. Baby steps. I sure do miss those baby steps. I definitely don't want to miss watching them grow up to who they are meant to be, who I am meant to be. Good news is, I don't have to. 

XO

Slow your race

As I sit and enjoy my morning coffee, complete with my lactose-free milk, (because...well...you can be simple, but you can't be stinky!) I reflect on October, the month of change.

Some of this change was self-induced. Really, that's the only true change when you're talking about improvement. The change that you initiate and hold yourself accountable for. The change that you can feel radiating goodness in your soul and down to your tippy toes. The same change that makes you feel as though you might be going against every fiber in your body until boom! A breakthrough happens. That's the kind of change that September brought.

Then there's the change that is required of you, but you didn't chose it. Ours was around health. This change hurt. It was a surprise, it was up in our face, and it will hold us relentlessly up against a wall until we make it. When someone you love is struggling, you help them make the changes, to reduce the struggly. This is the change October brought.

I am sharing this with you because I like to believe that I like change, until I don't. It's probably the same for you. Change isn't always easy. Usually, this is because we're grieving the loss of one thing to have another. Sometimes it's not even something we need, like gluten. (Yes, I said it, I don't need gluten). When the loss is about all we've ever known, we grieve it even when it really isn't that important to us.

It helps to be ready for this change, the letting go, but we do have to give ourselves a little push. It hasn't been as easy as I thought it would be to give up some of the things I thought we needed. Still, we know we want to get back to simple. We've made some trades. We've grieved some losses. We've gained some sanity. We may never arrive and that's ok.

It's easy to get caught up in the next best thing. I think we're all guilty of that at one time or another.
Our mantra becomes, "when I just have this or when I can just accomplish that, I'll be enough." It's a journey, like a continuum. What happens when we realize that we'll never fully arrive? 

The truth is, we're already enough. What we're missing is relationship - with each other, with ourselves, with our world. When this is lost, then we are truly lost, and we feel it in the depth of our soul.

This hit me in the face, hard this week. It made me question taking a leap of faith to change jobs. It made me afraid that I made the wrong choice to leap when diagnoses and unknowns took over our lives. It made me angry that I lost track of the relationship, when I thought I was doing pretty well leaving the things behind. I spent hours reflecting on my work as a mom, wife, daughter, friend, educator, maker, adventurer and not once did the race to get it all done, the stuff I earned, or my title at work make it to the top of the list of things that were most important.

True change requires reflection. I did just that. With enough time to just think in the quiet of my own reflection, I know I made the right choice to leap. When I bring it all together and reground us, I know we'll get everything under control. When I wonder, are we doing the right thing trying to simplify our lives to enjoy each other the answer is an astounding yes.

I'll never regret letting the extra go.



Find your center this week. Spend time in the quiet space of your reflections. What speaks to you? Who do you need more of? What do you need less of? What brings you sustaining joy? This is your soul work.

Older as Better

Funny things happen when you turn 40. It's almost as though an instant meter of oldisms kicks in and you get a higher dose - bones creak, you get to have extra medical tests done, you need more sleep, recovery time for any self-induced injury is double, your body actually needs the vitamins you've been taking, coffee and you are besties, and computer glasses.

Computer glasses?

Yes. It's a funny thing how we change the name of something that's been around for a long time, because it sells. It sells, because it makes us feel better. Would you buy them at forty if they were still called reading glasses? Probably not.

Usually, we try to keep it simple around here. Much of my 9-5 work, however, requires computer work, reading, writing, and I'm finding that the lights have to be turned up just a little bit more each year. And threading a needle, well...bring on the LED spotlights!

About four years ago we had Lasik. This was a beautiful thing. It is incredible to be able to see all of the things all day long. Is it simple? No, but it simplified our lives tremendously. I think we may be past the point of no return. (HA!) Lasik doesn't help with the need for 'computer glasses'.

Why do I share this? I want you to know that it's okay to get older. It's okay to embrace the changes and love yourself. You don't have to make yourself crazy chasing perfection. The people who have something negative to say about your beautiful silver hairs, your reading glasses, or whatever else this journey has given you, their opinions don't matter. It's okay to be you. In fact, it's amazing to be you! You'll feel so much better if you just do you.

I figure, I made it into the forties and I deserve to enjoy myself. SO DO YOU!

I'm going to take my great new computer reading glasses and enjoy seeing things, all the things, even the sparkling silvers while I sip my Sunday coffee and learn more about keeping it simple to increase healthy living for the littles.

We all need something. Today, I need a little more self love and time to enjoy what is. I hope you find that too.

XO